OVER DUE AnD VENTING!
YES! & NO! Yes I m still pregnant and.... still NO baby boy in my arms! This has been the longest week of my life! I have been dilated to a one for the last week with no progress. My cervix is still thick and still no progress. Ughhhh! I cannot help but feel frustration flow through my body as this week has gone by. I have walked and walked, tried other natural suggested options and nothing. I have felt contractions throughout last weekend and some this week and thought, hmm this is it! Unfortunately not! I have a wonderful Doctor who is very optimistic and has cheered me on the whole way and supported me in my decision to try this delivery VBAC. Tuesday I meet with my Dr. and still no change! Unfortunately after discussing options and circumstances it looks as if this delivery will be another c-section.
I was crushed and disappointed, but my doctor would still say, you have a few more days lets see if you'll go into labor. I of course was very emotional.. poor guy and felt as if my stubborn body was winning. I had felt so liberated that I was making a choice for me and my body to have this baby differently than things happened with London.
I have to tell you the sweetness of my little princess. As I was all emotional at the Dr's office, trying to hold back tears I had my face covered with my hands and all of a sudden I felt a hand touch my leg ( mind you I am sitting on the table just after being checked with the lovely paper blanket draped over my nude body) I looked down to see who was holding my leg and little miss London was looking up at me with her beautiful big blue eyes with the most concerned look I have ever seen her have and said "mom, it's okay", everything is going to be okay." I am so grateful for my little person who touches me with the purest love and makes me feel complete when I am broken at times. When we got into the car.. me still crying, London again assures me that everything is going to be alright and asks me to give her my hand, " I will make you better!" I love her! I am so grateful for her in our little family, she is soo cool!
Well, I went home depressed and an emotional wreck. I felt alone as if this situation was out of my control. I knelt down and addressed my heartache to heavenly father. With instant comfort and assurance that everything would be alright, I knew I was not alone. The next morning with fervent prayer I wanted to know if it was possible to have this baby the way I wanted to have him! In humility and love, I knew that my desires as pure and simple, where not the ideal. Since that morning prayer I have felt confident that making the decision to go forward with another c-section is necessary.
My Dr. and I discussed that possibly my pelvis is to narrow and the baby cannot drop far down enough to thin the cervix as needed. For whatever reason, things are not working as we hoped and he cannot let me go over 41 weeks, it is just not healthy for the baby, the placenta and for myself as I have the scar tissue from the previous cesarean. Things with London never happened, she never even dropped nor did I even dilate, they induced me after she was 4 days over her due date and was measuring smaller than previous weeks.. so they induced and things didn't go as planned.
I don't know the reasons, but I know I have tried all that I could, my Dr. has been patient and we discussed all that we could do with my previous situation and with our situation now. If any of you reading this and wondering if he could just induce me, the answer is no! Too many risks! If I was dilating and I was a three he could insert a monitor on the baby's head and regulate the baby and uterus and start me on a light patosine, making sure there was not a rupture in the uterus and the baby was fine. That isn't even an option as I am having no progress and even stripping the membranes was impossible this last Tuesday.
So, all in all I have not gone into labor, not even feeling any more contractions.. nothing! We have set a time to take this little guy tomorrow morning at 6am. My mom is flying out tonight so she can be here with Londs and see little Jr. I am nervous but so excited to have a healthy baby boy in my arms!
For those of you that have called to check in, Thank you!! It means a lot to know I have loyal friends who love me. Sorry I have been a bum and have not answered the calls. I just haven't felt like talking about things and then explaining it over and over again. I love you all and thanks for all your prayers and thoughts! I will keep you posted on everything, especially on the arrival of baby boy Lueck!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
OVER DUE AnD VENTING!